For years now, since before the First Gulf War, I have felt that the American population at large has become disturbingly detached from the Military and their families.
In those distant days, prior to Saddam Hussein invading Kuwait and the following actions of President H. W. Bush, my personal place of work always was adorned with an American flag, even when it generated, at times, a light form of scorn from co-workers. Nothing that a smile and a middle finger couldn’t stop.
I noticed then, but really have come to experience personally the detachment between the civilian public and the Military families since my son joined the US Marines in 2005, at a time when the country is at war.
What has surprised me the most has been the reaction of people upon finding out my son was a Marine, and the phenomenon has been confirmed by countless Military families I am in contact with.
Not surprising at all is how geographical location plays a big role in the support Military families receive as their loved ones are deployed in Iraq or Afghanistan, with the middle of America and rural areas much more in tune with the sacrifice being made on their behalf as opposed to the two coasts and the urban centers.
As much as I would like to pay little attention to the asinine things that come out of some people mouths, there are times when I hear comments that make me want to kick someone in the face, plain and simple. Here are some examples. The names have been changed to protect the innocent and the morons.
A friend of ours in Pennsylvania, whom I will call Shannon, has a son who just before Christmas came back from Afghanistan after serving 7 months with a Marine Recon unit. We do not know her or her family personally, but via the Internet, she has become an indescribable source of support, especially for my wife, as we deal with my son’s deployment. She just recently told us of an incident she was subjected to at a gathering she hosted just prior to her son’s deployment in March 2009.
The mother of her son’s best friend was at the gathering (this is Shannon’s own words written to my wife):
Obviously the fact that (the Marine son) was leaving for that shit hole of a
country was on all of our minds, but we kept things upbeat and had a good
time. Mary (the Marine best friend’s mom) came up to me with that deer in
the headlights look, with tears running down her face and said "I just can't
believe that you can walk around here smiling and chatting with people when your
son is going off to war and probably won't come home". I was dumbfounded
that someone would actually say that to me and I thanked her for being so darn
positive and told her I was very glad it wasn't George (her son) leaving as it
would be awful hard for him to concentrate on the mission knowing his mom felt
that way. Obviously, we haven't spoken since!!!!
Can someone honestly believe that there are people like that out there? Now Shannon’s answer was a lady-like response, even if sarcastically incisive, but for what I know of Shannon, she would have rather kick the woman in the face.
I have heard of parents being asked “how could you let your child join the Military”, as if my son joining the Military can be construed as a parental failure. Or, and these are the sensitive people, when expressing our concern about our son being in a combat zone, being told “well, that’s what he signed up to” as if that detail should cancel out any concern for his safety.
This happened to me at work. Few weeks before my son left for Afghanistan, his best friend left for Vietnam for some cultural exchange thing. I was at my workplace and speaking with a co-worker who is Vietnamese, so I asked my co-worker about Da Nang where my son’s friend was going to be and from the response, it looks like the place is, how can I say this, target rich as it relates to availability of women. He also asked me if my son was going there too so I responded that no, my son was going to Afghanistan. His response was:
“Oh, your son is going to die in the sand and his friend happy in a bed.” As I still need my job, I just gave him an angry “F- You!” instead of the swift kick in the face he deserved.
The indifference of the people manifests itself even more when there is no connection between the person and the Military member. As a Patriot Guard Rider, I have escorted many Fallen Military to their resting places across Southern California. In some occasions, we have the luxury of Police escort, which makes it safer. Most times we do not and we are faced with motorists who, even realizing it is a Military Fallen funeral escort, feel that their destination and time is so important that cutting in front of motorcycles, many times jeopardizing our safety, is justified.
I have talked with relatives of Military who, witnessing such attitude, feel bitter about their loved one putting his/her life on the line for such lack of gratitude, and I try to remind them, and honestly myself at times, that the sacrifices our Military has done and continues to do is not for one specific individual, but for the totality of our ideals and principles.
Of course there will always be those people who just don’t get it. Just keep your cool and ask politely if they would mind a kick in the face.
Just my thoughts!
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